I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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