anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
