Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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