the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
