I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
