if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
