I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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