He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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