After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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