I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
