If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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