Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
