I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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