Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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