if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
