OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
