btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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