: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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