wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
