i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
