1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
