I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
