But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
