She's JV to your varsity
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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