I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just google imaged poop.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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