Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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