I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
