she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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