I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
