Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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