the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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