Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
