i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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