You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
