Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
