if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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