He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
