Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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