I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
