Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
