So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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