Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
