remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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