I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
