walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
