I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
