Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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