It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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