"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
