Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
