Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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