just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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