So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
