pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Non-Jews are for practice
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am mentally ready for anal.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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