Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
