forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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