Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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