Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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