She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
